Intuitive Healing

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I am a yogi

Yoga 3 Deep Breaths

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Being a yogi isn’t about appearance

Today I looked in the mirror as I was about to practice yoga and picked on the flabby parts of my body. That thought nearly made me get up and put a t-shirt on. I’ve not really had tuck-shop arms, or boobs before! And this cover-up for a self-practice, where nobody can see my excess adipose tissue.. Crazy, right?

I follow a LOT of Yoga teachers and yogic businesses, which has me comparing my physique and ability at times. A rather silly mind trick of mine. I’m not a 20-something year old with boundless flexibility that looks spectacular in a crop bra and a g-string. 

I have been in this body for 50 years, you would think that I would be comfy with all the bits I can’t control. Somedays I am not. Somedays I can’t even look in the mirror due to self-disgust. True story. Meeting me, you wouldn’t even know that was on my radar. I am happy and bubbly.

This menopause thing (and a close death) knocked me on my arse. A dark knight of the soul type of thing. Which means the mind messes with me quite often. 

I have been practicing yoga since my mid-20’s and love how it makes me feel emotionally, physically and spiritually. Yoga and meditation got me through a violent relationship in my late 20’s. So, I know how empowering yoga is.

In that 25+ years, I went to India to learn to teach yoga, plus, completed a 500YTT recently, so I am well versed in the importance of YOGA as a whole lifestyle practice, not just a physical asana… 

However, I still have struggle days where I don’t like my human form. 

All because I don’t look like a fit AF 20yo any more – social media doesn’t help with that btw (yes, I see the irony). With all those super tall, flexible, fat-free beauties, which appear weightless and like they are dancing with angels. Even as a Yoga teacher I can still feel less than ‘perfect’ or ‘normal’. 

Sometimes I worry that I may be judged for not being a ’real’ yoga teacher because I don’t look the part.

Today, I did some heart opening, purely for me. I decided to record so I can prove to myself that yoga isn’t about how I look. 

Turns out I felt compelled to share this for all you yogis, the people practicing yoga, and those of you who do not find pleasure at the thought of starting a yoga practice outside the comfort of your own home… but I share this mainly for me. 

This IS me, wholly. No hiding my fat, no caring what others think (kinda), and no comparing my body or ability to others. 

There is great discomfort in sharing this, because it’s personal. (I’m usually vehemently private).

I’m pretty sure my family will be embarrassed by my sharing this publicly (explains where I get the comparison issue from, yes?). That’s ok, because I am here to break those barriers down and set the women of my family free from feeling abnormal, judged, or not good enough.

I AM good enough, in fact, I’m pretty darn delicious. I absolutely #LOVE the yogic path and my only aim is to share this yoga love comfortably, without judgement. (Which you might notice already if you have attended my classes or watched YouTube).

You and I are the ‘normal’ and ‘real’ people of yoga. The ones who aren’t always flexible, who aren’t stick figures, the ones who turn up anyway, because we know we are worth it.

So, I say hi there! I am Alison (Ali). I’m a 50yo, slightly chubby, menopausal yoga teacher, with a dodgy pelvis, shoulder & achilles, who is learning to be comfortable in her own skin, publicly.

Perhaps you can relate? Maybe you’ve been avoiding yoga, or exercise in general because of the way you appear? 

Has menopause (or anything else) sent you to the dark night, too?

#yoga #yogalifestyle #yogiclife #menopause #gym #fitness #wellbeing #health #healthymind #healthybody #50andfabulous #dharmicmedicine #vulnerable 

3 Deep Breaths

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One response to “I am a yogi”

  1. tazimania26 Avatar
    tazimania26

    I do not see these “Flabby parts” you speak of. All I see is someone doing Yoga for themselves, and truly Ali – how amazing your body looks! That you are wearing the correct attire for your practice. That I wish I was more consistent with the practice myself. I do not notice what you notice about your body. I don’t see the negative aspects like you do. Hell I don’t even have boobs! My bra/Knickers and clothing don’t even fit me properly because I am too skinny and have been skinny shamed my entire life. I cover myself up as much as I can especially doing yoga. I have the crop tops from Pole Dancing and was told I would love my body more when doing pole, The opposite was true, I found myself covering up more so when you need the skin to stick to pole itself. I wore denim shorts for the first 4 months, the instructor couldn’t understand why.

    Like you, I can barely look in the mirror, nor do I want to. I had NO IDEA you felt this way! And I am so pleased you have posted this as you do show a different side of yourself, like you said – Happy and Bubbly, Outgoing and Confident. You hide it very well! I admire your body, at least you have curves, I’m like a boney ruler!! People make comment on my spine sticking through my back when I bend over, no one has ever seen me naked, nor would I want to let them see me that way as I just get judged. Women say they would love to have my body, but they don’t get asked or looked at as if they are anorexic/bulimic or a junkie 🙂 I’ve been told by a woman that she wants to tie me to a bed and feed me Bourbon and Fat.

    I can see my ribcage, I have no cleavage unless wearing a double push up bra which basically has a breast in it so I don’t look so flat. My Mother always told me I have no arse, not in a mean way just in an observational way “Geez Tazi, you haven’t got an arse have you?” I try to build muscle but it just seems to get eaten away by my metabolism. I know that it’s our personality that shines through – our soul, but it is so hard to see that when people have constantly pointed out my flaws since I was a little girl. My ugliness upsets me more than my skinniness, I am very androgynous looking also which doesn’t help. I compare myself to everyone and everything and it stops me from doing things in life. I too have great discomfort sharing this as I am literally sweating typing it out! You are very delicious Ali, I find you very attractive. I always have. And I am sorry to hear that you too feel this way about yourself 🙁

    I admire you as a person and I think your body is divine. Your yoga class was the first class I have ever done outside my home. And I saw people at Tomato Lake laughing and judging, and I thought to myself – these stiff small minded people have no idea how beneficial this practice is! The joke is on them not me. My Mother’s passing and other peoples judgement has sent me in the Dark Night of the Soul to my dear, I can relate to that with you. I don’t want to die, but I really don’t want to exist either. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself as I tend to focus on others and what they want and need. It’s just in my nature to care for others and I am little lost at the moment with myself. My goodness I have written enough, I am sorry for the book I have written, I best submit now before I lose my nerve….! Sending you Love and Light x

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